GO! no go?

this is phone call eve! so with the phone call looming all i can do is freak out! of course there is a side of me that is scared, if he recycles he has a 6 week wait (best ranger competition ) and then another 6 weeks for Mountains and Florida....so if he recycles it will be a little over 20 weeks that he will be away...that is 5 months. in his most recent letter he said "I'll call you but wont have much time, so be honest if i chose to recycle and stay the 6 weeks, even though it's painful... could you do it?" could i do it? that is a loaded question...i know i am going to be a mess.....i have yet to learn how to deal with separation like this....i could do it if i were able to hear his voice, that would make all the difference! but this is ranger school and that isnt an option, except  for about a minute and a half every 3 weeks (if you're lucky)....IF he calls and delivers the dreaded new i am going to tell him that it is going to be the hardest thing i have ever done...but i will do what i have to so that he can follow his dream, if he is willing to be the one who is actually IN ranger school i can be the one living out here in the real world...waiting. to tell you the truth it may very nearly kill me....as much as i don't want to admit this i am going to be a disgusting mess....staying in bed, crying, feeling sorry for myself mess.
i have to keep telling myself "everything in Gods time."
so i will tell him "it will be the hardest thing i have ever done, but i'm with you." the rest is up to him.

but i can't help but feel a sense of peace in my heart....i was driving today, right after getting a letter from Dale telling me he had a few mark....totally about to lose my cool, crying like a baby, when a voice in my head said "keep the faith" and the tears stopped. believe me or not, but i know where that voice came from. like i said everything in Gods time....a part of me knows i have no reason to worry....i've always been one to expect the worst, makes the best even better.

time is crawling.....i probably have a little over 24 hours to go. praying for that GO!!